Tuesday, February 3, 2009

A Bit of Advice....

Today's blog is in the form of important advice for those of you who may already have children.  Those of you who do not yet have children may want to store this one for later.  This one is an absolute GEM, so pay attention:

When your day starts with a wet bed (your child's, not yours, if this happens please consult your doctor), a pair of new shoes that absolutely can't be worn because they might get dirty, two glasses of spilled milk, forgotten homework, a $97 bill from the Denver Public Library threatening to report you to the credit bureau if you do not return Arthur's Annoying Day at The Dentist (or something like that) and then you notice a nice reminder email that it was actually your week to make the playdough for the Kindergarten class, well, let's just say that this run on sentence should be the least of your concerns.
If you invite a sweet little girl over to play with your 3 year old daughter and she beats her up and tells her that she wishes she would leave, you may be feel exasperated.  Perhaps a bit overwhelmed or even mortified.  When the toilet overflows you might be a bit disgusted, until you realize that it is raining poopy toilet water in your laundry room, where all of the networking equipment for the entire house also happens to be stored.  At this point you might be feeling nauseous, and at the same time heroic, for saving your husbands geeky, nerdy, overly techy "stuff".   If, later in the afternoon your daughter hands you a permanent marker and asks you to come admire her artistry, you are shocked to see that her room is covered in black permanent ink, you might need to "take a moment".  Especially if you understand the economic impact of permanently destroyed plantation shutters (forget bailing out the banks people, this is serious stuff!).  When your older children come home from school you might be slightly taxed by having to convince the older one that life is actually worth living, that he may have to suck it up and endure the difficult 3 page homework assignment.  Jumping from the top bunk might seem like a good idea now, but the trip to the ER would seriously get in the way of watching the next TIVO'd episode of Clone Wars (translation my 8pm date with a bottle of wine).  If you are still reading, I'm begging you to just stop obsessing over how I should punctuate this blog entry.  My piece of advice is just around the corner.    Are you ready for it?  Here it is:  After a day like this, you may want to consider calling in for pizza, or just sending the kids over to the neighbor's house for dinner.  My advice is that you should definitely, absolutely, under no circumstances, for the love of GOD, DO NOT consider making spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. 


4 Responses to "A Bit of Advice...."
  1. ~Kelly~ said...
    February 4, 2009 at 2:08 PM

    This really made my day. Amazing how wrong a day can go, and much you still love the buggers that cause it!

  2. Heidi said...
    February 4, 2009 at 2:09 PM

    You're me. Except younger. And blonde.

  3. Heidi said...
    February 4, 2009 at 2:17 PM

    Okay, I'm back because you have me wildly curious. How is it that I am one of the two blogs you read? How did you find me? Don't get me wrong, I'm flattered to death but just wondering which one of the million things I have tried to get mass attention actually worked. :)

  4. Banteringblonde said...
    February 4, 2009 at 6:21 PM

    Heidi, I just emailed you. I loved your blog instantly! I just went back and read your interview with 5minutesformom.com and laughed because I am a "jumper iner" at this point. It won't be the first time I have egg on my face so no worries!


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