Thursday, January 29, 2009

My Dear John Letter


Dear John,
Sweet husband of mine, I have a story to tell you.  Remember how just before the holidays you told me I had two weeks to get an appraisal for my engagement ring?  Remember how when I went to have it done they told me there was a 5 week wait time because of all the holiday purchases being appraised?  Remember how I decided to just wait to have it appraised after the holidays?  I know our new policy is waiting for that appraisal and that my ring is uninsured.  Here is the not so funny part of this.... There is a crack in one of the baguettes.  Not just a scratch but a deep all the way through crack.  I took it in yesterday and they say it needs to be replaced before they can appraise the ring.  It will take ten days for the estimate on the cost of a custom cut baguette.  Our genius gem queen friend is my next call, surely she can help me for less?  I know you are wondering how someone cracks a diamond.  I've had the question at least four times in the past two days and I haven't formulated a good answer yet because honestly, I have no idea.  I know being a stay at home mom is a pretty rough contact profession but I'm not recalling any diamond busting moments.  Perhaps I should stop doing laundry?  Cooking?  Cleaning?  Just in case?  I think this is the safest bet.  These things are just too tough on my precious ring and too costly to continue. 
In the mean time, If you are looking for me I'll be working the night shift at the 7 Eleven down the street.  Shouldn't take me but a few months of all nighters to remedy this unfortunate situation.  Stop in and I'll sneak you a freshly defrosted taquito and a Cherry-Coke slurpy.  It'll be awesome.  We can make out behind the counter, hiding from the video cameras.  You could dress up as a security guard and pretend to save me from robbers.  I'll chew Hubba Bubba and blow the biggest bubbles you've ever seen.  I could even get a tattoo and pierce my nose just to fit the role.   
Heck, after 12 years of marriage this whole situation may be just the spice we need to feel young again.  Just think, if I'd been responsible and left my ring at the jewelers for 5 weeks we'd never have this exciting opportunity.  We are so blessed.  
Your Loving Wife,
Fiona 

comments

5 Responses to "My Dear John Letter"
  1. John Bryan said...
    January 29, 2009 at 5:53 PM

    http://www.break.com/index/do-not-rob-this-pizza-store.html

    that's what happens at 7 Eleven when you collude with the hired help

  2. John Bryan said...
    January 29, 2009 at 5:54 PM

    I love you anyway as you left me home with two kids and the entire Star Wars saga!

  3. John Bryan said...
    January 29, 2009 at 6:03 PM

    Oh, and beter or worst, risher or poorer, sickness and health, and all of that EVEN my wife needs to work at 7-11 to pay off the broken diamond. LOL!!!

  4. Julie said...
    February 1, 2009 at 11:08 AM

    ROFLMAO, Fiona! I'm not laughing about the cracked diamond, but rather the hilarious Dear John letter. I almost spit soda on my screen more than once. Sorry about the ring, but sure glad John is a good sport about it. WHEW!

  5. Emilie said...
    March 20, 2009 at 8:37 PM

    Love this post! Thanks for sharing!

 

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