Monday, April 13, 2009

P is for Poison

I'm breaking up with my friend P.  I love her.  She is an in your face, tell it like it is, lovely person.  Our families get along great and we spend lots of time together.  We often have happy hour playdates that turn into dinner when the dads get home from work.  

I love P, I have fun with her,  I just can't date her at her house anymore.  P is for poison, and her house is a dangerous place for me.

I'm a fun social drinker, I like a few drinks at a party and I rarely have what is considered "too much".  

P makes me drink.  Seriously, she does.  I'm a big girl and I can monitor my own intake but that evil woman refills my glass when I'm not looking and then peer pressures me into bizarre and highly toxic concoctions.

I have now blown chunks out the car window twice on the way home from her house.  The first time it was the endless glass of margaritas.  Yesterday, the Easter cheer was on and it was all good until she took my wine glass away and poured a Manhattan.

Blech, that was the nastiest drink ever and despite the fact that I probably took two sips of it, I became instantly, staggeringly funny.  The girls were rolling on the floor with my brilliant wittiness, heck, I was laughing at myself ..... for all of four minutes.

I went from 0 to obliterated in minutes.  My wit didn't just hit the fan, it splattered and stumbled to the door.  I was undeniably in that horribly embarrassing stage of "we have to go home now before I pass out on the floor".  This is a stage you really don't want to revisit post-college, it is not the least bit attractive.  

Such becoming behavior for a 36 year old mother of three!  Driving home with my head out the window like a puppy, only not quite as excited to have the wind blowing in my face...  

Darling Husband: "Yes!!  I knew you were having fun!"

Kidlette 1:  "Awww man that stinks.  Barf stinks.  Mom are you sick?"

No, dear Mommy just ate some bad shrimp.

Kidlette 2:  "Again?  I think P's house makes you sick Mommy."

Yes, P is evil, she is trying to poison me.

Kidlette 3:  "You need some medicine Mommy."

Darling Husband:  "I think Mommy has had enough medicine."



18 Responses to "P is for Poison"
  1. Diane said...
    April 13, 2009 at 5:24 PM

    bad shrimp again mommy??!! lol

    sounds like P is a bad influence!

  2. Margo said...
    April 13, 2009 at 5:36 PM

    Anyone who serves wine followed by manhattans does sound like trouble in that good/bad way that's hard to leave. If there's a next time - which I'm sure there won't be - you have to promise to take your video camera and do a segment for your vlog :)

  3. Dee-Zigns Handcrafted Jewelry said...
    April 13, 2009 at 6:43 PM

    Oh, this makes me relive moments I thought I had buried in the past. Evil, pure evil!
    P.S. Thanks for stopping by my blog today!

  4. Anonymous said...
    April 13, 2009 at 7:42 PM

    lmao! Cant wait to poison you this summer up north! ~Kelly

  5. Lori - Msslaydbug said...
    April 13, 2009 at 7:53 PM

    That is hysterical !! I think everyone has a friend like P !! I have a couple! When you are in your 30's we don't bounce back like we did when we were younger !!

  6. LadyStyx said...
    April 13, 2009 at 8:06 PM

    Never had the ummm "pleasure" of getting into such a state. A hangover (2 drinks in, mind you), yes...but to the point of doing the technicolor yawn at the porcelain goddess? Nope.

  7. Banteringblonde said...
    April 13, 2009 at 8:18 PM

    LMAO @ technicolor yawn!!!! My mother is going to kill me for this post btw!

  8. Shady Lady said...
    April 13, 2009 at 10:55 PM

    Ooh...that's rough. I went on one of those "singles" cruises way back when I was 30. I got matched up with a cabin-mate who was 21. She tried the peer pressure thing (what do you call it if it isn't a peer?). I finally pretended to be wasted just to get her to shut up. Good thing she wasn't pouring the drinks herself!

  9. Aliceson said...
    April 14, 2009 at 3:34 AM

    I have a friend like that too. It seems no matter how much I drink, my glass never gets empty. Good hostess or enabler? You always have a good time though, right?

  10. rachel... said...
    April 14, 2009 at 7:02 AM

    Your husband was driving, right? You had me worried for a minute! Sounds like your "playdates" with P are best saved for weekends? When you have a sitter?

  11. Michelle said...
    April 14, 2009 at 7:18 AM

    lol oh boy. maybe you should bring over a couple pitchers full of "margarita's" that are virgins and just keep pouring and pouring and acting a little silly. If you acted goofy I wonder if P would too. imagine if you could get away with "getting drunk" on nonalcoholic drinks and then confessing to her later. that would be funny.

  12. zelzee said...
    April 14, 2009 at 7:54 AM

    I think I have been to P's house a few times, myself!

  13. Dee said...
    April 14, 2009 at 7:58 AM

    drink slower :) sorry you barfed, that bites

  14. Minxy Mimi said...
    April 14, 2009 at 2:53 PM

    OMG!!! She sounds toxic but a heck of a lot of fun!!!

  15. Kris said...
    April 14, 2009 at 4:05 PM

    You remind me of my mom who NEVER drinks, yet she seems to LOVE Sangria (she insists it's just fruit juice). So when we go out to the Mexican Restaurants she has her own carafe or two or three. She's passed out the whole way home and can never figure out why she has the "flu" all the time after she goes out for Mexican the night b4. Too funny.

  16. bookieboo said...
    April 14, 2009 at 9:14 PM

    You should feed the drinks to her till she pukes this time...

  17. The Mathews Family said...
    April 15, 2009 at 7:27 AM

    no fun! I think throwing up is one of the worst parts of being human...and hangovers...I hope I never have another one again. The worst..

  18. Kathy B! said...
    April 15, 2009 at 4:15 PM

    Well, now you know! No more drinks at P's house :)

    Sounds like you had soe fun in the proces of getting plowed, though. And sounds like DH got a good chuckle at your expense!


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