The person who coined the term "terrible two's" obviously never had a three year old and definitely didn't have one like K. With my boys I definitely felt three was more of a challenge, but with the girl? Terrible has gained more meaning from the day she turned three.
I'm saying this with love, with total adoration for my beautiful baby. She is smart and really is quite sweet at times. She has always been a bit more hard headed than my boys ever were, but lately the screaming has gotten out of hand. I am not joking when I say that my hearing may actually be damaged by the shrill screams.
She loves to hate me. Trust me, she tells me in between the "you're my best momma" declarations, that she hates me and that I'm a meanie stupid head - although lately I haven't even gotten the meanie stupid head starter because she has just launched right into rotten-ness and then I'm in the middle of the grocery store hearing "waffles, not two packs, one." "one waffle" "one waffle" "one waffle"
"ONE WAFFLE" "You aren't listening, onewaffleonewaffleonewafflewafflewaffle"
OMG I just need eggs, bread, milk, cereal, fruit, eveyrthing that we don't have because I've been afraid to come to the store with you for a week and a half now. I want to leave the store so badly but we will all starve if I do!
I feel like I could cry. She is the youngest of three and yet I feel like I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. She doesn't ever accept that she isn't going to get her way until she has pulled out all the stops. I am almost certain that my neighbors think there is something awful going on at our house. It has been in the 70's and the windows are wide open. The shrill screaming and incoherent yelling that comes out of this child's mouth is embarrassing.
I'm not a horrible mom. I don't over or under indulge and I spend plenty of time with her. (Although, I did have to lock myself in the bathroom this morning to complete my Boden order without slamming my head through the screen.) That said, there MUST be something I am doing wrong, or something I'm not doing right.
Help me, please give me advice on things I can try. I'm totally open to your input!!!
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13 Responses to "Terrible Threes"Oh gosh, gotta run but I'll be back!
This is a hard one. Sounds like your daughter has the brains and personality that makes for a really stubborn toddler. It might take a while for her to figure out that you mean business but she'll eventually get it. (The smarter they are, they harder they can be. Sad but true.)
Ok you have to stop this before she gets older and thinks she can get away with it. My 9 year old yes my 9 year old was like that and I just dealt with it, the 'oh my goodness could this line move slower' been there. I hated it. I was sooo frustrated and I never stopped it now I have a 9 year old throwing fits in stores. Now on to my daughter who is 2, she has a scream that deaf people could hear. I was in the bank once and she was going nuts everyone was looking at us, so what does mom do? I laugh and say " she's trying to get us to the front of the line...She really hates waiting. *laugh*" Everyone laughed and it got us out of waiting behind everybody. She evn got a lolipop, Which pissed me off. As soon as I got home she went straight to her room for it. We try.
Oh I know it, I am queen of nip it in the bud (butt? whatever the freakin' saying is.) I unplugged the TV today and told her she was on a screen break for two weeks. She only gets to watch one program a day but you'd think the world had ended. Lordy! Poor hubby is home alone with the kids this weekend - i'm off for a girlie trip and it couldn't have come at a better time.
Wowsa. Not sure I have much to offer. I agree that 3 was the hardest, but every year has it's challenges. The grocery store sucked for me. I would always go it alone. It was my me time. I just made it a rule that the kids could not come with me because they didn't behave well there and I didn't trust them. The old adage of earning every privilege may be a way to go. A sticker chart for all the good behavior earns her special treats (a stick of gum?) and no stickers for bad behavior. Then she can work into earning bigger things like going to the store with mommy. I was big on time outs when my boys were little. Good luck with this! Lots of wine at night! ;-)
Pray for 4 to hurry up and come! I used to say to my son, "Stop being THREE!"
I have nothing to offer, I've blocked those years from my mind for my own good. I thought for sure people would think I was beating my kids
I went to the store after my hub got home from work
Find what she loves best and take it away. Screen time, toys, food. It sounds really mean, but I could control my children just by threatening this. My youngest used to lose her favorite outfits and have to wear her brother's clothes. Even at three, they need to know that actions have consequences. I always worded it "If you choose to do x, I will then have to do y". My children are 15, 13 and 11 now, and this still works. "If you choose to not do your honors geometry homework and get a C in the class, I will then have to not allow you to go to your best friend's house after school." Add a lot of deep breathing. I never for a single moment miss when my children were this young! It does truly get better every single day!
When things got hard raising a toddler, my mantra was, someday, this child will be 16 and over this phase.
Come to think of it, it seems when I was 16 there were just other tantrums.
Bad example.
Hang in there and enjoy the good moments when they come. Laugh at the not so good ones.
Is your daughter 3 1/2? Lucky for you, this behavior is NORMAL for her age! I just barely read a book about 3 year olds. It says that MOM is the enemy, because mom CARES. It's a battle, no matter how insignificant (like the waffle thing). The thing they recommended in the book actually was to minimize the battles by NOT making a big deal when they are acting out and (I know this sounds bad) get a babysitter. The less confrontation the better. Getting a babysitter will keep you from resenting her (which is natural to feel that way, but really it's how her body works right now!) and also, she's not gonna act out (generally) for someone she thinks doesn't care as much (babysitter). Just a thought! I can't remember the name of the book, but I can find it if you're interested!
By the way, thanks so much for visiting me! :)
Mrs D! Thank you - I actually was feeling a little bad because I had been loving the days she was at preschool a LOT more than usual. I am off for a girls weekend this weekend and have been planning it for months so I am very very excited!
Ms. Yingling - this has totally worked with my boys and for some reason it really hasn't made an impact on her. Even the simple consequence of being cold because she didn't want to change out of her wet swimsuit!! yikes, I shall breathe!
For those of you who haven't met the princess, she's gorgeous and lovely and precious. She will get better and then she'll get worse again and so it'll go until she's all grown up and you'll forget all the bad stuff. Trust me, I've been there!
This has been a topic of conversation with a bunch of us moms over the last week. What I am about to say goes against the mainstream and what some have said here. The first thing I will say is that with a child like this, punishments will not work. They are defeating and in the long run will not accomplish what you want. I have two book recommendations. The Explosive Child by Dr. Ross Greene and Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. These are both excellent books and I think you will find a lot of answers in them. Good luck to you, I know it's not easy. If you ever want to talk, feel free to email me. Believe me, I really do understand.
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