Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Sham WOW Wednesday With Guest Banterer Jack Randall

I know you've all been anxiously awaiting the Sham WOW Wednesday guest blog spot with Mr. Jack Randall.  You'll remember from last weeks post that I predicted that he would, in fact, actually grace us with his presence.  (insert ooooooohs)  Without further adieu, I present you with, the man who lit a fire under, I mean inspired and entertained many chemistry students more than a few year ago, the man who puts the ban in banter, (doot do doo) Mr. Jack Randall....

OK, first things first. The name Sham WOW is no doubt a registered product name with all the rights and privileges so granted. There can be no doubt that the product itself performs the task of absorbing liquids very,
very well. If a person purchases one or more Sham WOWs, that person will most likely be pleased with the product.

Next, of course, is dealing with the fellow who is probably the universally recognized face of Sham Wow – the Sham Wow Guy.  He’s an interesting guy (he probably even has a name) (Not to crash your guest spot Jack, but his name is Vince Something) and either his sales pitch is particularly effective or the product sells itself. Or both.

The Sham Wow phenomenon has intrigued me from a scientific perspective, which would not be surprising if you knew that my job deals with science.  After conducting borderline exhaustive research and participating in a not-insignificant amount of speculation, I’ve stumbled upon the following information regarding the Sham Wow.  

Your lovely host of this blog invited me, at risk of smudging her reputation, to share my Sham Wow info. Here goes.

The exact molecular structure of a Sham Wow may or may not be a closely guarded secret, but it appears almost certain that the fabric is not natural and is not peeled from any species of llama-like creature frolicking across some South American pampas.

The spectacular success of the Original Sham Wow seems to have caused the sprouting of a trio of
perhaps soon-to-be-released products: the Sham WOW Mini, the Sham Wow Nano, and the Sham Wow Shuffle. The Sham Wow Nano would fill a heretofore vacant niche for a specialty wiper-upper of spills on the atomic level. The major drawback for the consumer (but a decided advantage for the manufacturer) is that, at a 5-nanometer-square size, the Sham Wow Nano will be easy to lose.

A story, being circulated among some people, that a Sham WOW discarded on the shoreline absorbed a certain popular inland lake cannot be substantiated. But, if it turns out to be true, that particular Sham WOW was really overachieving.

Accounts are evidently circulating regarding a housewife in an undisclosed location in Eastern Europe who placed a Sham Wow on the second floor of her modest home and successfully cleaned up her child’s milk spill one floor below.

According to unnamed sources, an amateur astronomer claims to possess convincing evidence explaining the water-free surface of the moon having been caused by the strategic placement of several dozen Sham Wows by Commies who sneaked to the moon at the turn off the 20th century in spacecraft on loan from an alien culture.

Rumors are spreading of the impending birth of a hybrid product: the Sham WOW Snuggie. Combining the cozy comfort of another popular cable-TV product, The Snuggie, with the unmatched absorbent power of the Sham WOW, prototypes under development have been given the nickname: Full-Body Depends.

While none of these items can be confirmed beyond a shadow of a doubt, it seems clear that the Sham WOW Phenomenon is poised to revolutionize a constant theme in the lives of all humans – the need to sop up spilled liquids. If more information becomes available, I’m sure the readers of this blog will be among the first to know.

best regards,

It should be noted that the above post is the brain child of the author and does not reflect the opinions of the host Bantering Blonde.  While she recognizes the genius of Mr. Randall, admires him and appreciates his past mentoring, should you wish to sue anyone please note that you shouldn't sue me, I'm broke and there ain't much to be got... amen.


9 Responses to "Sham WOW Wednesday With Guest Banterer Jack Randall"
  1. Jennifer said...
    March 4, 2009 at 11:51 PM

    Fiona, please let Jack visit more often. His post was enlightening, to say the least. I will be crossing my fingers for the Shaw WOW Snuggie. Especially for the next time I'm pregnant and my water breaks. I won't have to race around the house with a towel between my legs hoping not to imitate a slug by leaving a trail of fluid from the bedroom to our car. Too much information, perhaps?

  2. Anjanette Young said...
    March 5, 2009 at 6:06 AM

    Oh, that was good. Thank you for having Jack or is it Vince over to visit us.

    Now I feel like loser, I have to be the only person with out a "Sham Wow!"

  3. Anonymous said...
    March 5, 2009 at 9:33 AM


    Love the bit about the lake, and the one about the milk spill.

  4. rachel... said...
    March 5, 2009 at 11:42 AM

    OMG, Fiona this is f'ing hilarious. I'm not kidding you, I think you and Mr Randall might be on to something with the ShamWow/Snuggie/Full-Body Depends. My father-in-law sweats like an SOB and could use a suit like that! Think of the possibilities! You might not be broke for long!

    What a terrific post. You could blog about nothing besides infomercial products and it would still be hysterical.

  5. Banteringblonde said...
    March 5, 2009 at 12:05 PM

    Jennifer - I think I could have a standing guest spot for him because as we all know blogging can be addictive. Perhaps he'll start his own!
    Thanks Rachel... I was laughing hysterically but my hubby wasn't getting it so I was a little nervous.

  6. Sir Erik said...
    March 5, 2009 at 1:43 PM

    Methinks this is a clever, pardon the pun, "sham" marketing ploy perpetrated by the folks/megalomaniac behind the Sham WOW line. Case in point: You never see Vince Offer and this supposed "Mr. Randall" together at the same time.

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    November 5, 2009 at 3:29 AM
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    November 7, 2009 at 2:12 AM
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    December 19, 2009 at 11:57 PM
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