Friday, May 29, 2009

How To Gain 14 Pounds In One Year - or - Discovering Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred - or - Death Sucks

This will go down as "the post that started out as a blonde joke and turned into a revelation of metabolic (yes, metabolic - you'll have to read on to understand) proportions"! 

Have you ever been listening to everyone around you go on and on about something and thought, "Yeah sure, whatever." and then two months later when they are still going on and on thought, "Hmm maybe I should try this." ?

Ok, so I'm sort of a fitness snob and when I kept reading bloggers going on and on about Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred, I poo-pooed it.  I am a fitness freak.  I work out almost every day.  I practice yoga three times a week.  Until this past year when I allowed grief to get into my diet, I was fairly focused on healthy eating.  How could a silly DVD really be "all that"?  Guess what?  I'm not poo-pooing it anymore.  It has been 3 days and I hurt.  Like "ouch" hurt.  Sore hurt.  I feel my body changing and I'm LOVIN' it.

I should back up and give you a little background.....

I haven't been able to get to the gym since my daughter finished school in mid-May.  If you'll remember, I made the mistake (actually, eye-opening non-mistake) of turning to the Wii Fit a few weeks ago.  The animated freaky Fit Bitch announced with joy that it had not only been 229 days since I'd been to visit her, but she also told me how much I had gained.  Now, I know ya'll think it is just a few pounds because I'm still sort of not fat.  The reality is that my BMI had gone up a LOT and for the first time in my life I had fallen into the "overweight" category.  I didn't reveal this the other day because it was so shocking to me but, in that 229 days I had gained over 14 pounds.  That isn't just an extra Oreo here and there, people.  

Random Tragedy.  Grief.  Another RANDOM tragedy.  Stress.  Grief.  All within a year, has CONSUMED me.

Each time I think I'm "admitting" how the trauma of the past year has affected me, I think I'm moving on and doing better.  Each post where I have poured my heart out seemed to be the turning point for me.  My loyal readers cheered for me, supported me and were relieved when I returned to making them laugh again.  I would get a week into "doing better" and then I couldn't hold it together.  I didn't care.  Drinking a bottle of wine while eating a Chipolte burrito and a pint of Ben and Jerry's really did make me feel better.  What was the point of stopping?

This worked until I was unable to button my "fat pants".  Then it worked until I couldn't button the next size up.  And now I'm on to another new size...  you see where this is going?  I'm a train wreck and for the first time in my life, I can empathize and totally understand how people let themselves get fat.

I used to think "How do people let themselves get that fat?".  I get it.  It would be very very easy for me to continue feeling like crap and consoling myself with copious amounts of food and numbing myself with wine.  I feel awful.  My face feels swollen.  My body is relatively toned from all of my working out but the fat rolls are starting to poke through!  

It is my need to exercise which has kept me band-aided together this year.  It is yoga that has kept me from the brink of an embarrassing emotional breakdown.  My body is strong and it is in a battle to hold my mind back from complete despair.  

Fourteen pounds in a year.  Not good.  Not good for my heart or any of my other organs.  If I continue on this path I will be obese within a year.  (Writing that statement just knocked the wind out of me.)

So what is different this time?  

It might not be different this time.

I can write and tell you that I have overcome and that Jillian Michaels is going to save my life with her 30 Day Shred, but the reality is that no one thing is going to turn me around.  Death sucks and I am changed forever.  I have to create a new reality with grief, how ever difficult that may be.

In three days of doing the "Shred", I do actually feel in better control.  I consider myself well educated in the area of health and fitness but no amount of knowledge seems to have kept the french fries out of my mouth.  I think the high intensity of the "Shred" workouts has definitely changed things up from my normal exercise routine.   I haven't been craving comfort food and I've been drinking a LOT more water.  I may be benefiting from an upswing in my metabolic rate and a higher level of endorphins.  This is my theory anyway.

So, my goal is to "Shred" for 30 days in addition to my thrice weekly yoga practice and regular running schedule (it is coming up on a big race season after all!).  People always talk about "the wake up call" or "hitting bottom".  I'm not sure if this is what has happened to me but I am acknowledging that my life has been spinning out of control and that it isn't good for me and ultimately, this effects my number one priority, my family. 

Here's hoping that this is the seventh stage of grief, "Acceptance and Hope", where I can stop sabotaging myself and find a way to move forward with this amazingly fortunate and beautiful life that I have.


18 Responses to "How To Gain 14 Pounds In One Year - or - Discovering Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred - or - Death Sucks"
  1. Laoch of Chicago said...
    May 30, 2009 at 4:16 AM

    This last year I have been exercising obsessively. Generally I find results are related to intensity rather than any particular regimen. These days I do less but do it more intensely and my body seems to be responding well.

    Good luck in your regimen.

  2. Dee-Zigns Handcrafted Jewelry said...
    May 30, 2009 at 5:12 AM

    Good for you! My sister is obsessed with Jillian Michaels - but I haven't taken the plunge to purchase her workout. You've inspired me to check it out ... thank you! have a great Sat.

  3. Unknown said...
    May 30, 2009 at 5:30 AM

    Good luck to you Fiona! You can do it and you will feel better for it! I hope for you that this is your seventh stage and you can kick some butt!

  4. Mommy In Pink said...
    May 30, 2009 at 6:04 AM

    I wish you the very best!

  5. Aliceson said...
    May 30, 2009 at 6:08 AM

    Good luck Fiona! Are you following the shredheads?

    I started the shred a few weeks ago and it kicked my butt! When Mae got sick I put it away and haven't touched it since. I don't need to lose much weight, but I do need to put it back to the places it belongs if you know what I mean?!

    I'll be cheering for you!!!

  6. Paging Doctor Mommy said...
    May 30, 2009 at 7:16 AM

    Good for you, Fiona! You'll be back to your regular size in no time!

  7. Shady Lady said...
    May 30, 2009 at 10:25 AM

    LOVED this post! I have been an off and on exerciser all my life. My most recent body wrenching back issues have brought me to regular daily exercise. In fact, I'm walking on the treadmill at this very moment. :)

    I have been eating a very healthy new for me, but truly old, way of eating. In the last year I have dropped from a 12 going on 14 to a size 10 (that is sometimes loose) without even trying. I love my new way of eating and know that with adding exercise to my life I will be in even better shape in many ways.

  8. Dumb Mom said...
    May 30, 2009 at 11:12 AM

    Good luck! I have been struggling with the up and down wt loss thing since my first son was born. I've noticed great progress in the last year, though so there is hope for me yet. Thanks for stopping by my place:)

  9. The Pink Geranium or Jan's Place said...
    May 30, 2009 at 11:49 AM

    you truly have nailed it here... life can suck the best intentions out of all of us.

    Depression can add a double whammy, and lets face it we all have a road that will throw crap at us here and there, and guess what.. we find ways to cope.. which darn if it doesn't include calories!!!

    I fight those "few extra" pounds, and as I get older, the fight gets harder..

    I am so proud of you for sharing this.. I am inspired to go try this DVD that I have not opened yet!!!!

  10. Stesha said...
    May 30, 2009 at 1:34 PM

    You have me sold on the video. This morning I went to Walmart to buy it, but they didn't have it:) I will check Target later today.

    Hugs and Mocha,

  11. Jennifer said...
    May 30, 2009 at 4:24 PM

    Ok, now I'm even more curious about all the shredding going on!

    Good luck with it. I may be joining you. I am slowly headed toward my fat pants. *choking back cries*

  12. bookieboo said...
    May 30, 2009 at 6:06 PM

    I'm so proud of you for doing the Shred. Jillian will push you to the edge. And the workouts are only 20 minutes anyway, so you can totally fit them into your day.

  13. Muthering Heights said...
    May 30, 2009 at 6:09 PM

    Great job, as far as dusting yourself off and working toward a positive change!! :)

  14. Stephanie said...
    May 30, 2009 at 6:21 PM

    Brave post! It is so hard to write all this down. I feel your pain. I have had a back injury..excuse to eat, "little" personal problem I can't even tell strangers about yet..excuse to eat.
    Just recently I decided it was time to try and get my normally fit butt back! oh byt the oreos do call.
    I must go look for the shred. Thanks so much for sharing.

  15. Veronica Lee said...
    May 30, 2009 at 9:38 PM

    I wish you the very best too. Good for you, Fiona!!

  16. Unknown said...
    May 31, 2009 at 10:35 AM

    YAY someone who has shred! I needed to know more and I got it from someone who has been where I have been with grief in my pantry as well. Love this!

  17. Margo said...
    May 31, 2009 at 4:18 PM

    Go Fiona! I'm a little afraid of Jillian, but I might have to give it a try. Thanks for the inspiring post :)

  18. Joe said...
    September 15, 2009 at 9:30 PM

    I hate Jillian. I think she has a potty mouth and cannot control her anger. It's like she's on steroids. If she ever talked to me the way she talks to the people on Biggest Loser I'd taze her.


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