Monday, May 25, 2009

How to Choose the Right Swimsuit

Happy Memorial Day weekend!  Ugh, the beginning of bathing suit season.  I've never dreaded it before, but then, I've never not wanted to wear a swimsuit before.  As the wii fit bitch reminded me a few days ago, I have gained 14.7 pounds this winter.  Ok, I've lost three of those pounds just by trying to chafe her ass and show her up, but that doesn't mean I'm looking forward to the swimsuit thing.

So, what is your swimsuit style?  Last summer I chose a nice little swimskirt, just because I felt it was a flattering style that was neither showy, nor too conservative.  I was comfortable in it.

This summer?  I'm perusing my options.  The swim short?  The swim dress?  Blech!  I did a search online to see what the current styles were and it was quite depressing.  I don't think I'd wear a bikini at this point even if I were half as anorexic as the models wearing them, but surely there will be a suit that I can live with?   

Honestly, I'd rather sit in the shade with my wide brimmed hat and sunglasses, zinc on my nose and twitter away on my iphone.  Unfortunately, that would be bad parenting, because I've got three kids that will be in the water causing a ruckus.  The grumpy lifeguard is sure to let me know I should be suited up and alert, ready to save my children from drowning.

So, what to wear?  

Do I go with this?

Maybe not.

Ok, so here is another one...

yeah, not so much.

I did a search on one site for "skirted" swimsuits and they all came up looking like this....

Perhaps our definitions of "skirted" are slightly different?  Suddenly the skirt doesn't even make it past the cooch?  For real?  This qualifies as skirted?

This season we are presented with the slut-kini or as many are calling it, the Monokini.   Either way, it is one trend that I'm not wearing and hope I don't have to see too much of this summer.  

I'm pretty hip, I'm style conscious and I like fashion BUT GOOD LORDY PEOPLE, I'm also a mom, I'm in my late thirties and have squeezed out three beautiful blondies.  Let's just say the "girls" could use a little underwire and some coverage.  I'm just asking for a suit that covers my girlie parts and gives the cottage cheese on my thighs a little privacy.

In my frustrating search for a suit that consisted of more than two inches of fabric, I came across a website called, a site that lists different online stores that carry more modest swimwear.  I'm still on the hunt but I'll probably head back to this site to save myself from having to sort through the sea of hooker style swimsuits out there.

The pool opens this weekend and little K is dying to go on Tuesday all by herself, without her brothers.  I'm looking forward to having her occupied and wearing herself out!  Perhaps I'll find something, perhaps not.

What swimsuit style are you going for this summer?


29 Responses to "How to Choose the Right Swimsuit"
  1. Laoch of Chicago said...
    May 25, 2009 at 2:36 AM

    I am so grateful for being male.

  2. Anonymous said...
    May 25, 2009 at 5:17 AM

    OMG, I see you photoshopped someone else's face onto my body on those last two pics. LOL. Now, I remember when I used to think the skirts were too old fashioned but now I'm thinking they are kinda cute. I think that's what I would go for.

  3. Momma Bear said...
    May 25, 2009 at 5:51 AM

    oh crap...I don't know. I like the first one you showed.I got this suit from target for $6 and It still fits, I think. I gained ontop of my pregnancy weight from last year so Im not feeling too bathing suit "happy" but we'll see.

  4. Jenn@ The Crazies said...
    May 25, 2009 at 7:07 AM

    I too am having a real problem with the swim suit thing...I had a great one piece suit last year in flattering black and I think I may just stick with that one this year... lol...

  5. Ute said...
    May 25, 2009 at 8:14 AM

    One piece with board shorts baby. That's me. Now and to infinity. Yep!

  6. Paging Doctor Mommy said...
    May 25, 2009 at 8:34 AM

    Let me know when you find the perfect one! I'm on the hunt as well...

  7. Shady Lady said...
    May 25, 2009 at 8:48 AM

    So I started typing and realized that this is turning into a blog post. Swimsuits SUCK! I have this design in my head...unfortunately, it's only in my head.

    Thanks for the inspiration and I'll link to your post. :)

  8. Insanitykim said...
    May 25, 2009 at 9:25 AM

    JCPenney has cute two-piece skort and halter top suits; I have two of them and they are comfy, flattering and sometimes on sale!

  9. Randi A. said...
    May 25, 2009 at 10:00 AM

    You could try
    They have some cute, more cover-uppy swimsuits.

  10. Anonymous said...
    May 25, 2009 at 10:25 AM

    I have to go both ways. On the one hand I'm a nanny for toddlers who love to grab at any amount of fabric I'm wearing while swimming so I MUST have good coverage!! On the other hand, when I go to california this summer I'm planning on a bikini!

  11. Stephanie said...
    May 25, 2009 at 11:43 AM

    LOL Love this post. I'm not prepared to shop for a new suit yet this year so will continue to rock the sarrong!
    Love your blog:)

  12. Heather said...
    May 25, 2009 at 11:53 AM

    Bathing suits ... the pain of any mother's existence.

    I opted for a tankini with wonderful underwire support and swim shorts. They seemed most flattering. Although, I'm convinced we're never flattering in bathing suits, you know when 90% of our body is on display for the world to critique. Bleh!

  13. AiringMyLaundry said...
    May 25, 2009 at 1:18 PM


    I HATE swimsuit season.

    I always wear tankinis. The more coverage, the better.

  14. Astaryth said...
    May 25, 2009 at 2:49 PM

    Yeah, That Wi fit dude can bite me. If I hear one more time about goals and how I am not going to reach it I may have to choke someone. ;p

    Swimsuit season sucks!

  15. Lori Lavender Luz said...
    May 25, 2009 at 4:16 PM

    I went for this tankini, although it looks nothing like this on me (really? I thought it would completely transform the cottage cheese! and, um, other things.)

    Some good choices on that website you mentioned.

  16. Danielle said...
    May 25, 2009 at 4:21 PM

    Swimsuits are soo hard to choose. I have an hourglass figure but not so much in the good way. I love summer but don't like the less clothes!

  17. Jenni said...
    May 25, 2009 at 7:23 PM

    The monokini is evil and should be stopped.

  18. Heatherlyn said...
    May 25, 2009 at 8:02 PM has some pretty modest and not completely lame swimsuits. OK, a couple.

    I hate swim suit shopping, personally. And it doesn't have much to do with my body.

    I like having the option of the swim skirt so I can wear the suit with or without it.

    I bought one really sexy swim suit. It makes me somewhat motivated to exercize. Somewhat. It makes my husband happy, so I'll wear it when I'm only around him on vacation or something.

    The rest (and yes, I bought 6 bathing suits this year. Pretty crazy) are in a style that is not for teen-aged girls nor for grandmas. You know, if retailers would make more suits in this in-between category they would make a killing. I mean, women want to look good. They need some lift and support and want to appear healthy without showing off too much flesh. Right? You think the swim suit people would catch onto this.

    Anyway, swim suit shopping has been on my least favorite things to do list ever since I hit puberty and even when my figure was flawless. And now in my 30s I like it even less. Can you tell?

  19. Veronica Lee said...
    May 25, 2009 at 8:57 PM

    I love, love the skirted ones!!

  20. Aliceson said...
    May 26, 2009 at 3:46 AM

    Ugh! I may need to think about this too. I usually wear a bikini but I think I'm getting too old for that. Too dificult to keep my mommy tummy sucked in anymore.

  21. BookChook said...
    May 26, 2009 at 5:14 AM

    You could always emigrate. I'm looking down the barrel of winter and it's kinda nice to contemplate track pants and a sweater.

  22. septembermom said...
    May 26, 2009 at 5:50 AM

    I have 4 swimsuits that all flatter one particular area. If only I could get the Super Suit... One that hid everything so well. Oh, to dream!

  23. mrs.notouching said...
    May 26, 2009 at 10:03 AM

    I dread swim suit season so much I consider moving my whole family to a country where it is too cold for a beach and they haven't invented the indoor pool yet.

  24. Rebecca Anne said...
    May 26, 2009 at 2:07 PM

    Ahh....I choose option. NONE. I deplore bathing suits on the whole and I don't go into swimming pools if I can help it, so usually I get away with just a bikini top and a pair of shorts. (hides the ass and girly parts) I've yet to ever meet a girl who actually enjoyed buying a bathingsuit

  25. zelzee said...
    May 26, 2009 at 2:46 PM

    My style this year?


  26. The POSHpreneur said...
    May 26, 2009 at 7:32 PM

    that aqua two piece is to die for!

  27. Heidi said...
    May 27, 2009 at 11:14 AM

    Cottage cheese def needs privacy, that's for sure! I wouldn't even worry about it this year but the baby is 7 and really ought to be taught to swim this year. sigh . .

  28. Childhood said...
    May 27, 2009 at 4:17 PM

    I love that you totally said "cooch" in this post... I even read all the other comments to make sure I'm the ONLY one laughing til I cry about it.

    PS... my 3 and 4 yr olds look so cute in the monokinis... me? Not so much... I opted for the competitive Speedo.

    I'm a swimmer anyway and I'm giving lessons this summer for extra cash... so it suits me. Plus it holds all your guts in... try it!

  29. Amy said...
    June 17, 2009 at 10:45 PM

    You most likely won't catch me in a swimsuit this summer. I was doing really well with losing the baby weight (from my 2 year old), but this last year has been a real bitch. The 60lbs I took off, well at least 10lbs has found it's way back. And don't get me started on the stretch marks.


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