Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Paula Abdul ~ Make it a Virgin?

I love American Idol, always have.  I have also always thought Paula needed help.  I feel a bit bad for her, sometimes I hold my breath while she talks just praying she doesn't explode into pieces in front of millions of people on national television.  

I heard a blurb yesterday about an exclusive interview with ABC where claims she has never been drunk.

Never?  For real?

Ok, she weighs like 90 pounds, and don't tell me she's never had a sip of alcohol.  As a tiny person myself, I can attest to the fact that if Paula has even sniffed an alcoholic drink, she's been drunk.  So, right there.... D-E-N-I-A-L.

I was so curious about this interview that I had to google it.  When asked whether she took prescription drugs after any of her gazillion neck surgeries, Paula says "No, no. no no no. will not take those drugs. And you can check my medical records. There is nothing like that. I was never on Oxycontin or Vicodin or anything like that. I was on nerve medicine and anti-inflammatories."

Again, I've never had major surgery but I have birthed three big babies, and I can tell you with all honesty, I swallowed every pill they threw my way in the days after delivery of those monsters.  I'm pretty sure that if you were to cut into my neck 15 times I'd be begging for the good stuff.   

Paula may not be drinking or taking drugs, but there is something not quite right with her.  Lately, when she is giving feedback to Idol contestants, I get nervous and sit on the edge of my seat praying for her.  As her eyes tear up and she babbles on and on saying the same thing 3 different ways, I hold my breath and hope that she doesn't pass out, vomit, or run out of the auditorium screaming like a mad woman.

So, if anyone happens to read this, I just want to offer my help with an intervention.  I will also happily accompany Paula for the duration of her stay in a rehabilitation facility.  I would, however, prefer a rehab somewhere sunny with a pool that serves fruity drinks.  You could make it a virgin fruity drink if that was necessary....  And massages, I need massages in order to help Paula recover.  

Just an offer ...


26 Responses to "Paula Abdul ~ Make it a Virgin?"
  1. Diane said...
    April 29, 2009 at 9:26 PM

    oh! oh! i wanna go to rehab too!

    i'd sit in the day room and read...

    maybe get some acupuncture...

    no kids...

    sounds like a vaycay!

  2. Heather said...
    April 29, 2009 at 9:35 PM

    Oooh, I wanna go, too!! We could all be like her rehab entourage!

  3. Nessa said...
    April 29, 2009 at 10:01 PM

    Oh wow! Can we make it a group affair! I really need some R & R!

    Seriously, I understand what you are saying about Paula. She has struck me as a bit off for a few years now. I keep thinking she will eventually have a full scale meltdown live on camera.

  4. Night Owl Mama said...
    April 29, 2009 at 10:33 PM

    I was thinking Paula has been looking very good lately. She was a mess a few weeks ago. I still wonder if her and Simon will ever hit it off.

  5. Jennifer said...
    April 30, 2009 at 12:09 AM

    Ack! I feel the same exact way! She makes me feel so nervous all the time! I don't like it!

  6. Chef E said...
    April 30, 2009 at 2:48 AM

    I needed a good laugh, and now I am glad I came over here!

    She is sort of scary, and I agree, I have friends that weigh more than that, one sip and they are fifty sheets to the wind :)

  7. Aliceson said...
    April 30, 2009 at 4:01 AM

    Not a big Idol fan but mostly because I can't watch the train wreck that is Paula Abdul. Seriously why would she be so hell bent on saying that she's never been drunk or (ab)used prescription drugs if she isn't? Seems a little fishy to me too.

    I'm not volunteering for rehab, I'm reading "A Million Little Pieces" so rehab doesn't sound so pleasant at the moment.

  8. Stacy Uncorked said...
    April 30, 2009 at 5:00 AM

    I couldn't agree with you more...

    And I'd be happy to volunteer to go along and help you out, especially if there are fruity drinks and massages involved! ;)

  9. Unknown said...
    April 30, 2009 at 5:16 AM

    I actually think she is more lucid THIS season than she has been in seasons past! :) BUT she is definitely a person on the edge and I, too, am always waiting to see what craziness will pop up next. Trainwreck Award DEFINITELY goes to her!

  10. zelzee said...
    April 30, 2009 at 5:47 AM

    Paula makes me nervous, too when she starts to open her mouth.

    No pills........
    I think not.

  11. DouglasDyer said...
    April 30, 2009 at 6:31 AM

    Paula? The same woman who fell asleep during a live interview and also told Jason last year that she preferred his second song when he had only sung one? She has single-handedly kept Bristol Meyers Squibb afloat through this recession.

  12. Randi Troxell said...
    April 30, 2009 at 8:05 AM

    i actually love idol and paula... but every week the hubby and i kid around to see what your "big word" she'll use tonight is... and how well she'll pronounce it!

  13. Paging Doctor Mommy said...
    April 30, 2009 at 8:19 AM

    We always crack up laughing at Paula in our house. And yes, that is one lady who is ALWAYS drunk it seems!

  14. Anonymous said...
    April 30, 2009 at 8:50 AM

    I totally relate to your edginess. I had to stop watching the show. My anxiety levels were too high...I was and am worried for that woman!

    Something is NOT right!

    heh heh

    P.S. I act that loony and do not get a paycheck for it. Hmm.

  15. The Mother said...
    April 30, 2009 at 9:12 AM

    Either she's in total denial, or she's a total ditz--you have to ask yourself, which is worse?

  16. Ann Imig said...
    April 30, 2009 at 9:27 AM

    What IS up with her?? Thanks again for kind words on my blog.

    You can be her rehab-nanny! Great idea!

  17. Heidi said...
    April 30, 2009 at 10:56 AM

    Poor Paula! In the picture, her hand looks blue. Yuck.

  18. Unknown said...
    April 30, 2009 at 11:47 AM

    I feel so bad for celebs that "think" no one can tell. Either she has a mental prob or yea shes been drunk. So many times I thought wth? Whats she talking about??

  19. Michelle said...
    April 30, 2009 at 11:57 AM

    LMAO your hilarious. great post. She always looks a lil weird. she's on somethin thats for sure. I don't watch idol but I do watch Entertainment Tonight, and The Soup on Etv. There are always shows on showing clips of her embarressing herself.

  20. Margo said...
    April 30, 2009 at 12:02 PM

    My current addictions - blogging and chocolate creme pie - probably won't be covered by insurance. It sounds kind of like Club MED with the girls... fabulous potential.

  21. Shady Lady said...
    April 30, 2009 at 3:22 PM

    I was wondering how good ol' Paula was doing this year. As part of my TV addiction recovery I have dropped many shows, Idol among them. It's sad to hear that she hasn't gotten any better.

    I am quite certain that you will require an assistant at the deluxe rehab center while caring for Paula. Please feel free to contact me.

  22. bernthis said...
    April 30, 2009 at 4:40 PM

    look at her medical records okay? but how about the billion pharmacies that she goes to with her "private" prescriptions.

  23. Muthering Heights said...
    April 30, 2009 at 5:43 PM


    No painkillers ever? I don't buy it either!

  24. Jenni said...
    April 30, 2009 at 6:58 PM

    And she TOTALLY slurs. She has GOT to either be suffering from some sort of brain injury, or she is drunk.

  25. Unknown said...
    May 1, 2009 at 3:46 AM

    I feel the same way. I just want to stand beside her and make sure she doesn't make an idiot of herself EVERY SINGLE TIME she opens her mouth. Poor thing!

    I wouldn't mind going to that rehab either. It sounds heavenly....

  26. Kathy B! said...
    May 1, 2009 at 10:35 AM

    I'm sooo not buying her BS.

    And I'm up for a little rehab!


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