I heard a blurb yesterday about an exclusive interview with ABC where claims she has never been drunk.
Never? For real?
Ok, she weighs like 90 pounds, and don't tell me she's never had a sip of alcohol. As a tiny person myself, I can attest to the fact that if Paula has even sniffed an alcoholic drink, she's been drunk. So, right there.... D-E-N-I-A-L.
I was so curious about this interview that I had to google it. When asked whether she took prescription drugs after any of her gazillion neck surgeries, Paula says "No, no. no no no. will not take those drugs. And you can check my medical records. There is nothing like that. I was never on Oxycontin or Vicodin or anything like that. I was on nerve medicine and anti-inflammatories."
Again, I've never had major surgery but I have birthed three big babies, and I can tell you with all honesty, I swallowed every pill they threw my way in the days after delivery of those monsters. I'm pretty sure that if you were to cut into my neck 15 times I'd be begging for the good stuff.
Paula may not be drinking or taking drugs, but there is something not quite right with her. Lately, when she is giving feedback to Idol contestants, I get nervous and sit on the edge of my seat praying for her. As her eyes tear up and she babbles on and on saying the same thing 3 different ways, I hold my breath and hope that she doesn't pass out, vomit, or run out of the auditorium screaming like a mad woman.
So, if anyone happens to read this, I just want to offer my help with an intervention. I will also happily accompany Paula for the duration of her stay in a rehabilitation facility. I would, however, prefer a rehab somewhere sunny with a pool that serves fruity drinks. You could make it a virgin fruity drink if that was necessary.... And massages, I need massages in order to help Paula recover.
Just an offer ...