Thursday, April 16, 2009

A Letter To Our Prospective Neighbors

I live in an older neighborhood where they are scraping many of the homes in order to build newer ones. My block is in transition and we have yet to have a family with children move in. The house next door to us has just been completed and my children are desperately seeking neighbors of the kidlette kind. Each time someone comes to look at the house they look out the window trying to determine whether the buyers have children. Truth be told, I also look out the window and size them up. Do they have kids? Preferably between the ages of 3 and 10 or better yet of the babysitting age?

In the spirit of informative neighboring I thought I'd compose a letter to prospective home buyers so that they might better understand what they would be getting into by purchasing a home next door to us.

Dear Prospective Home Buyers,
Welcome to our fantastic family neighborhood. If you have children this is the perfect place for you and you will undoubtedly be forever thankful to have us as neighbors. If you don't have children I'm not sure this is the place for you. We will love you, but you may not love us.

We have three children and, while they are adorable they do make a little bit of noise. You may notice that your bedroom window overlooks our backyard where our detached garage is located just off the alley. (This is the city after all). On the weekdays you may hear me screaming "get in the car", "we are late", "get off the swing", "get in the car", "GET IN THE FREAKIN' CAR", about fifty times, but school starts at 8 and so this process rarely takes more than 5 minutes.

Every Saturday and Sunday at 7am you can expect the repetitive sounds of our sons practicing basketball (again the detached garage is turned sideways so we have a driveway/sport court thing that your kids will love.) I apologize in advance if a ball ends up on your roof or a frisbee through your open window. Don't mind the screaming three year old, she just likes to get her brothers' attention and will pitch a fit until she gets her way. Both boys do tend to beat on each other but unless there is blood or broken bones involved, please do not call 911.

As for my darling husband and I, we are fun loving people. If you are a mom you will adore the Happy Hour Playdates that I often host with moms from other blocks. These gatherings can often get a bit loud but we have a fence and as long as they are all contained us moms are happy to let them enjoy one another. When the dads get home from work our Happy Hour often leads into Dinner Hour. This is so much fun .... if you have kids, that is.

You will LOVE being my neighbor. I will always run out of eggs or sugar, etc. and you'll be able to get to know me really well when I ask to borrow some! I grow tomatoes in the summer and will be dropping them on your front porch by the bucketful. I promise not to let my dog poop in your yard and I'll pick up your mail when you go on vacation. How fun will all this be?!! ... if you have kids, that is.

Summer is coming and we have a really cool backyard, if you have kids you will definitely want to be moved in by then. I hope that this letter will prove to be helpful in your decision to buy this house.. if you have kids, that is.

Bantering Blonde


15 Responses to "A Letter To Our Prospective Neighbors"
  1. rachel... said...
    April 16, 2009 at 5:36 AM

    I'd love to move in next door! :)

    I shudder to think of how many times my neighbors have heard me shrieking at my kids "Hurry up! Get in and get buckled! I SAID HURRY!"

  2. Chelle said...
    April 16, 2009 at 7:02 AM

    I would be the PERFECT neighbor for you; The Teenager can babysit, the Man-Cub will wear your boys out with the basketball and the football and the baseball and the TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD WORKS BY TAKING IT APART and you and I? We'll drink wine while lounging in lawn chairs and reading trashy entertainment magazines.


  3. zelzee said...
    April 16, 2009 at 7:36 AM

    I love to hear the sound of the basketball pounding on the cement. My kids did it for years and now the neighborhood kids are doing it.

    I love having kids around in a neighborhood. Makes it feel alive!

  4. Margo said...
    April 16, 2009 at 8:15 AM

    You would definitely drive off the anti kid people. For good measure and even if you don't own a dog you may want to mention that you have a dog that only poops in the neighbor's yards. Throwing little tikes stuff close to property lines may also help deter. I have much experience with neighbors most fabulous, some not so. :)

  5. Alice Audrey said...
    April 16, 2009 at 9:17 AM

    You remind me of the time one of the kids from next door decided to make cookies. She came over for a cup of flour and went away with two, then came back a few minutes later for another, then another. I had to cut her off. I'm sure by the time she was done she must have had hundreds of cookies.

  6. princessparkle said...
    April 16, 2009 at 9:36 AM

    All of our neighbors have many children... and I just happen to be both loved by all of the children and the only person of babysitting age on the street. But shh... don't tell them, I'd rent those kids for twice as much as they pay me because they are that awesome...:)

    In return for playing (for lack of a better word) with their children our yard is constantly littered with their toys, and my piggy bank with cash :).

    As far as neighbors go, I love mine. Hope you love yours

  7. Ace said...
    April 16, 2009 at 11:15 AM

    We'll be there with the Uhaul this weekend.

    None of our neighbors have kids either and it stinks.

  8. LadyStyx said...
    April 16, 2009 at 11:41 PM

    Sounds much like a duplex I used to live in in Louisiana...

  9. Mrs Zeee said...
    April 17, 2009 at 9:05 AM

    You sounds like a wonderful neighbor...Won't you be mine?

  10. Kathy B! said...
    April 17, 2009 at 9:27 AM

    I wish we could come next to you! We are desperate for some neighbors of the kidlette type as well!

  11. Jenners said...
    April 17, 2009 at 7:22 PM

    I would love to live next door to you! And if I was looking at a house, I would seriously want to know stuff like this. When we looked at the house we are in now, I was quizzing the homeowner on what age kids lived nearby ... it does matter!!!!

  12. Stacy Uncorked said...
    April 18, 2009 at 5:25 AM

    Oh how I wish we had neighbors with kids comparable in age to the Princess Nagger...sounds like being your neighbor would be perfection! ;)

  13. Unknown said...
    April 26, 2009 at 9:17 AM

    Can I move next to you? Sounds like so much fun! Love the letter to your neighbors -- very funny!

    Happy Sunday

  14. The Pink Geranium or Jan's Place said...
    April 26, 2009 at 9:48 AM

    You are certainly not a boring neighbor!!!

    Yes.. you do need some kids in that house , with an older babysitter age one throw in :)

    You may want to leave some toys out front, as a "Heads Up" ..say a trike?


  15. Jenn@ The Crazies said...
    April 26, 2009 at 1:14 PM

    Wow... wish you lived closer to me... though its sunday afternoon and my kids are at the mini golf place with my neighbor and their kids... so we are lucky to have pretty awesome neighbors too!!


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